The Iranians Have Crossed the Line and Must Be Stopped!

All this talk recently about possible military actions against Iran has been very troubling. I hoped our recent history had served as an important reminder of the benefits of diligent and effective diplomacy. But, recent events in Tehran have changed my attitude, and I think we may need to respond with force.

What has me all worked up? Iran is trying to set the world record for longest sandwich! A team of chefs in Tehran, mostly women forced to cover their hair, and not for sanitation reasons, have reportedly built the world's longest ostrich sandwich. You can watch the report below.

This is an outrage, and I will not bury my head in the sand, and pretend this affront to our entire culinary identity didn't happen. Sorry Iran, but long sandwiches, and other grossly oversized fast food is our thing.

Luckily, the hungry crowd attacked the sandwich and ate it before its length could be officially recorded (true) - like an episode from whatever the Iranian equivalent of the Simpsons is. You know, maybe we are not so different after all.